1000 Days
1000 Days in Heaven
10,000 tears I’ve cried
Way too many moments
I wished to have you by my side
1000 Days without you
I still can’t believe you’re gone
My baby boy, My pride and Joy
Some days I can’t move on
1000 Days of heartache
I see the signs you send
I feel you so close at time
And the tears start all again
1000 Days alone I cry
My life forever changed
I want so very deeply
To hear you call my name
1000 days I wake up
With reminders that you left
Our memories I’ll cherish
With an ache inside my chest
1000 Days in Heaven
I know we’ll meet again
I know you’re watching over
Your family and your friends
Damian -
3/4/99 - 7/25/16
I wrote this poem 5 years ago. Ironically, this poem came to me just a few short days before I posted it on the 1000th day since he passed. Moreso, it landed on Easter. It was a profound time for me as I sat in my grief, thinking about the pain Mary experienced watching her son be killed, and understanding that I was not alone in my grief.
As Mother's Day approaches, that bittersweet ache that I still carry today, will surface several times. I have learned how recognize when grief is coming to visit and plan accordingly. Typically, I will cut back on my personal expectations of myself. I play a more uplifting song playlist first thing in the morning. I make sure I have easy to make food. I also give my friends a heads-up that I feel it coming on.
Here are a few things I have learned on this journey with grief:
Where there was great love, there will be great grief.
Everyone copes with grief on their timeframe, not yours.
Survival mode is the longest stage of grief and the most difficult to get through.
Everyone is grieving Something.
No one is ever taught how to grieve.
It has now been 2828 days since the night my son passed. I refuse to medicate my emotions, but that also means I have to intentionally manage my feeling. On a normal basis I do well, but during the months that grief comes to visit it takes a lot out of me.
I am not the only grieving mother out here that will be struggling on Mother's Day. I am not the only grieving daughter that will be visiting a cemetery on Mother's Day. If you find yourself grieving or around someone that is grieving, please take the time to sit in your grief. Allow yourself to feel, cry, and release. Even if it's just for a few minutes, every time you sit with grief it allows you to move forward from a place of pain to a place of love.
Much Love
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